Saying "no" doesn't need to be so hard
Recently I was conducting a workshop on financial, time, energy, and mindset capacity. During the conversation, someone mentioned that saying “no” was the hardest part of managing time, energy, and mindset. As nods of agreement went around the room, we discussed what was causing folks to be unable or unwilling to say no when faced with a request for time or energy. The answers held the themes of guilt, not wanting to disappoint others, habit, assumed expectations.
Saying “no” is a challenge for many. A greater challenge is avoiding burnout or missed opportunities when your own personal and business priorities are always pushed to the back burner.
Saying “no” is a skill. It is not natural for most folks. The more you practice turning down requests that you cannot realistically take on, the easier it gets. Before you can say no with confidence and without guilt, you need to get clear on three things.
Your Priorities
Before you can protect your time, you must know what you are protecting it for. This means getting specific about both your professional and personal priorities.
What are the projects, clients, and tasks that move the needle for your business right now?
What personal commitments matter most to you? This can include family dinners, school pickups, regular exercise, adequate sleep, vacations or any other commitment you make.
When you know what is genuinely important, spotting what does not need to be added to your plate is more straight-forward.
Your Values
Your values are the filter through which every request should pass. Your values are your north star, and your guide for decision making in your business and personal life.
When someone asks something of you, confirm that saying yes would align with your values. If not, then you can say no to the request with confidence.
Your Boundaries
Boundaries only work when they are defined and held sacred. Everyone has different boundaries that determine how much time they have available for other commitments. Some boundaries are clear and obvious like dropping your kid off at school in the morning and not allowing your team members to clock more than 40 hours a work week. Others are vague, like maintaining a certain amount of time each month for continuing education or training for a marathon. Whatever boundaries you are setting for yourself, your family, and/or your business, make them non-negotiable.
It is easier to hold boundaries sacred when you have them in writing. Even better is to put them physically on your calendar. When you see blocks of time already allocated where time is being requested, you will be able to more easily say “no.”
Once you have your foundation for assessing whether to accept a request or not, you can start saying “no” with less guilt.
Saying “no” is not about being difficult or letting people down. It is about being intentional and effective and ensuring that the people you do commit to get the best version of you and your work possible. You must protect your time and energy to use it for your highest and best usage.
Get clear on your priorities, your values, and your boundaries. Document them and block off your calendar where necessary. And the next time a request lands in your inbox that does not fit, you will have everything you need to respond with confidence.